okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
