no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
