not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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