We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
