I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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