2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
