Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
