Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
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