is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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