You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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