Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
