The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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