I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
