Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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