Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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