Just fell off a train. Bad.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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