you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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