At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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