I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
