There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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