Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
