dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
