If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
