The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
