can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
