His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
