One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
