Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
