Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
