just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
two words: eviction party
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
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No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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