I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
