My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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