Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
