Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
