I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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