her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
