She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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