You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
