At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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