I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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