I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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