I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
