Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B

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(334): View more from Alabama

Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.

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(716): View more from New York

He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid

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(845): View more from New York

weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.

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(440): View more from Ohio

Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?

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(914): View more from New York

He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.

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(585): View more from New York

I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.

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(443): View more from Maryland

My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.

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