You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
