Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
