Small penises have feelings too.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
