Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
