how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you inspire me to be a worse person
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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