I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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