hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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