I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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