Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
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I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
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I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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