Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
