Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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