in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
