she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
