Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize