Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
