a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
