I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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