Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
don't judge my taste in strippers
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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