a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
