the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
