I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So much rum. So many feels.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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