I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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