i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
