Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
