He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
